Marital discord and mental health

While it may be quite difficult to establish unequivocally the link between marital discord and mental illness because of many other associated factors, there is no doubt that marital discord is fast becoming a strong predisposing factor in the development of mental illness, especially for women.

Despite the protective role of harmonious and supportive marital relationship on mental functioning, it has also been found to be strongly associated with mental illness when the relationship is discordant. Whether in an ongoing relationship that is bedevilled with perennial conflicts or a separation or outright divorce, there is an enormous emotional price to pay.

Some marital relationships are apparently calm and peaceful but functionally have strong emotional disconnection with grave consequences on the mental health. Some folk are of the opinion that this may be the situation of a good number of our marriages in Africa which are often   sustained against the volition of the spouses by certain socio-cultural and religious factors. In the developed countries without the luxury of a formidable social capital in the support of marriage, the divorce rate is astronomical.

Whether in Africa or Europe, marriage is the most challenging of all human relationships possibly because of emotional involvement with potent consequences on the mental health of the partners. The emotional investment cannot be withdrawn even in the event of a divorce or separation or conflict which could explain the profound perception of emotional loss in these circumstances and their relationships with mental illness, especially depressive disorder. There is no perfect marriage as the   early years are marked by a process of adjustment of two totally different folk trying to live together.

The process may cause adjustment disorders notably the depressive type where either spouse may develop loss of interest in the usual activities, profound sense of regret of having made a mistake in the choice, sad feelings with weeping spells, especially when the premarital fantasy of the marital life appears impracticable and unrealistic. This may heighten the sense of loss and there could be threats of divorce and varying attention seeking behaviorus to arrest the attention of the spouse, in-laws and even parents.

Apart from this pattern, the adjustment disorder could also present with varying kinds of anxiety symptoms characterised by crawling sensations with peppery feelings in the legs, some moving sensations , below the skin or undue awareness of the heart-beat, bad dreams and disturbed sleep pattern with morbid religious and cultural interpretations . It could also present with marked behavioral disturbances like verbal and physical aggression over minor issues usually out of keeping up with the pattern before marriage but not profound enough to affect social and occupational functioning but distressful to the marital relationship.

The females are more demonstrative of these symptoms than the males. The problem may only be noticeable in the husband possibly when there is an abrupt change in his lifestyle – like drinking alcohol or drinking more than before, coming home late to escape the challenge at home.

This gets complicated if the wife is not yet pregnant as erectile dysfunction in the husband may affect their sexual intimacy. Premarital counselling is very crucial, which should be a combination of the religious, social and psychological assessment. Women are essentially exclusive in their thoughts as they think in terms of their kitchens, houses, husbands – while men are inclusive as they think of the community ,the society and the extended family. Personality issues are very crucial in the process of adjustment. A good combination is one that does not require the annihilation of one spouse, often the wife, especially in Africa to achieve synergy.

Values, especially socio-cultural and religious ones, may provide an enabling or frustrating environment for the adjustment process. When partners are from environments with markedly different social and religious values, the marriage could be profoundly challenged. One major benchmark of a healthy marriage is the communication dynamics .We are all at varying levels of capacity to listen – which is definitely more sophisticated than just hearing since it demands a temporary abandonment of one’s cognitive frame of reference to foster interaction with   the other person’s view point. Conflict arises when this is not continuously available as couples interact, which may lead to development of maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Modern marriages are profoundly challenging because our wives are more aware, more empowered financially, hence more independent and engaging. This poses a very great challenge for the men who no longer have the monopoly of decision and privileges to develop profound capacity to give leadership that is synergistic.

Marriage is a selfless project being articulated by two selfish individuals through the principle of mutual self-transcendence.