Thirty three-year-old Chinasa Nwachukwu wore a forlorn look as she sat in her father’s living room that Tuesday morning. Nothing around her immediate environment appealed to her. Not even a breaking news on the television that morning could awaken her consciousness. The young lady had a different thing occupying her mind. She was pondering the outcome of the journey she made the previous day to Ikorodu, a town on the outskirts of Lagos, where she had consulted a spiritualist to seek divination over whether the man in her life was the right person for her.
But instead of getting a favourable solution, the outcome of her search for divine assistance threw more confusion into her life. The spiritualist had warned her to desist from being engaged to the man who had asked her hand in marriage. According to the seer, the two are not compatible and so doom could trail their union.
Heartbroken and downcast, the University of Port Harcourt graduate could not understand how, in a twinkle of an eye, a relationship that she had nurtured and sustained for five years could come crashing like a pack of cards. Her romance with Henry, her suitor, is known to all and sundry. In fact, friends and well-wishers have been looking forward to the formalisation of their union. But with the verdict of the spiritualist, those lofty expectations appear to have fizzled into thin air. This situation has left Nwachukwu deeply confused. Can she dismiss the prediction of the spiritualist and go on with life or should she tarry awhile and look out for another suitor? But time is running against her.
The 33-year-old’s situation is nothing strange these days. Young people of different ages and backgrounds across Nigeria now engage the services of spiritualists–pastors, Islamic clerics, astrologers and traditionalists – before making important marriage decisions. Even with so much education and exposure, many Nigerians still elect to believe a seer they don’t know rather than follow their hearts in making a choice of a life partner. According to latest findings by Saturday Punch, most of such spiritual predictions have largely been inaccurate.
Arit Ikpeme, a 34-year-old nurse working in one of the general hospitals in Lagos, told one of our correspondents how her father insisted she visit a spiritualist to ascertain if her fiancé, Etim, was the right man for her.
“The spiritualist was a female. She didn’t collect any money from us. She said I should open my palms and I did. She went into prayers and started mumbling. Later on, she said I should go ahead and marry the guy that he was the perfect man for me.”
But against all expectations, the verdict did not only backfire, it was one mistake Ikpeme said almost ruined her life.
“One year into the marriage, the guy began battering and humiliating me. I had my reservations but I felt the spiritualist ‘heard’ from God so I decided to go into it when she said I should. When I had it up to my throat, I fled for my life. I divorced the guy two years ago,” she said.
But even with this glaring false predictions, many Nigerians continue to patronise spiritualists and seers to help pick their future partners. One of our correspondents who posed as a single lady, visited a prophet, Tosin Adedoja, in the Ajuwon area of Lagos under the guise of wanting to know the one to choose between the two men in her life. The prophet asked for the names of the guys before going into prayers. Few minutes later, he had got his ‘revelation.’
“There are two men. One is fair, the other is dark. The fair one is not too tall and the dark one is very tall. The siblings of the fair one like you a lot. They want you to marry their brother. As for the dark one, his mother doesn’t really like you,” he said.
He added: “The fair one is your husband. But there is a problem. There is a snake on your forehead. It will get to a time he will be seeing this snake and he wouldn’t want the marriage to hold again or even if you had married at that time, he would want to kick you out.”
Our correspondent asked the prophet what could be done to avert this calamity, and a new dimension was introduced into the drama.
“Bring a white clothe, new bible, a bell and a bucket. We will put the bible in the water and use the water to bathe you. Then you will wear the white clothe. All this will cost you N15, 000. And by the way, I will invite three prayer warriors for the three days and you will give them ‘something’ after the prayers,” Adedoja said.
Our correspondent visited another female spiritualist in Mbaise, Imo State, known only as Mama, to find out if she could still go ahead and marry the man in her life. Like Adedoja, Mama asked for the name of the man in the lady’s life before going into prayers.
“No way! He is not for you,” she screamed. “I hope he has not ‘entered’ you. Do not marry him otherwise you will regret it.”
Our correspondent asked Mama if she gets patronage from people seeking to know if they were making the right choices, the spiritualist was quick to reel out her ‘impressive’ resume.
“I have never been wrong. It is just that you came in the evening. People troop in here to find out the truth about their future partners. It is God that gave me the gift to know about this. Men and women come here to know if they are making the right choices,” she said.
Indeed, the idea of ladies and even men aspiring to know if they were making the right marriage choices is not limited to the ignorant, illiterate or uncivilised. A nurse, Catherine, who resides in the United States, told Saturday PUNCH recently how a prophet revealed to her the man she should marry.
“The pastor told me the man was the right person for me. He insisted I shouldn’t miss that opportunity because I would find it difficult to get another man. He told me the marriage was ordained by God and that I should quickly make up my mind and marry him. I did that and he eventually came to the US. Soon after he arrived, he showed me his true colour and destroyed my happiness,” she said.
The marriage didn’t last up to one year. The two went their separate ways.
Samuel Damilola, a banker based in Lagos, told one of our correspondents how he missed the woman who would have brought ‘sunshine’ into his life because his pastor told him not to marry her.
“She was there for me for more than two years when I had nothing. She encouraged me and even offered financial help. Everybody in my home loved her. She was practically living with me and it was generally believed that we would get married.
“But I still wasn’t sure until I went to visit my pastor and gave him her name. He told me she wasn’t my wife and that I should not marry her. I actually took her name to four other pastors who told me not to marry her. I married another woman and just a year after the marriage, the woman began to mess around with other men. I am filled with regrets today,” he said.
However, there are some who claim that their visit to spiritualists helped them make the best decision and that their marriage is the better for it.
Udoka Njoku, a seamstress who resides in Abuja, told Saturday PUNCH that she actually chose the man the prophet recommended for her and has no regret till date.
“I had two suitors back then. I was in love with one of them but my pastor advised me to go with the other and I did. Just two years after, the other man I was in love with died. If I hadn’t followed my pastor’s advice, I would have been a widow by now. I am really glad I listened to the man of God,” she said.
This ageless practice cut across religion and beliefs. One of our correspondents who visited an Islamic cleric at Ipaja Road in Lagos, Ustaz Muludun, was told by the man that he was wise for coming for marriage prayers. Muludun looked solemn, nodded intermittently as he listened to the story of how this correspondent was confused about whom to choose among the three women in his life, who were of course non-existent.
“Can you get a photo of the three women?” he asked. A time was set for the following day and our correspondent came with two photos printed from the internet and another picture of a married friend.
“No wonder you are confused,” he said, looking into the photographs. “But God will reveal the truth.”
Our correspondent was asked to stay outside as he went into prayers. Thirty minutes later, the cleric had a solution.
“Have you at any point in time impregnated anyone of these ladies?” he queried. Our correspondent answered in the negative: “No sir!”
“Okay, prayer never lies, prayer always shows the way,” the cleric continued. “Your destiny is tied to this woman,” he handed one of the photos from the internet to our correspondent. After a pretentious appreciation, our correspondent handed N2,000 to Muludun and left.
Another Islamic cleric reputed for spiritually guiding intending couples on their choices of life partners, flatly feigned ignorance when approached by another of our correspondent on the veracity of such predictions.
“All we do here is pray after which you are free to take your decisions,” he said.
His denial was later explained by another Islamic cleric in the Ojodu area of Lagos, Mallam Idris Yahaha, who said such predictions were against the tenets of Islamic and that clerics will not readily admit it. He confirmed that many young people visit him seeking ‘marriage vision.’
“There is a big difference between marriage in the past and now. But despite that we still get visits from a lot of young people who are about to marry. Majority of them don’t come for mere prayers. They come here demanding that we look into the future for them, to see if the person they intend to marry would be good for them.
“But my answer to such people is always the same. All we can do is to pray along with them. There are set of prayers in the Quaran for such purposes. I am not a seer because such practice is not permitted by Islam.
“In those days, parents would advise that one take part in prayer sessions for marriage and the divorce rate in those days was low, the same with unwanted pregnancies. Nowadays, people just want a seer to help look into what the future holds. That is not what the Quaran says,” he said.
Asked how such young people acted when told prayer was the only way out, Yahaha said in cases where such individuals cannot read Arabic, the translated version of the marriage prayers is handed to them but that some of them usually feel disappointed.
Another Islamic cleric, who did not want his name in print, said that those who indulge in such practices were merely defrauding the unsuspecting members of the public.
“What they don’t know is that these clerics are fraudulent. No genuine Islamic cleric or believer in the tenets of Islam would indulge in this kind of divination,” he said.
A star-sign specialist, Gboyega Bamgbose, believes that most marriages collapse because couples no longer consider finding out the zodiac compatibility with their partners before tying the knot. Bamgbose said taking this step before marrying someone could avert so many evils in the like of the union.
When one of our correspondents visited Bamgbose to get answers on which of the women in his life to marry, what he learnt was shocking and at the same time bemusing. Our correspondent gave his name as Akorede and the name of the lady in question as Omolabake (both fake names). The spiritualist commenced his divination with vigour.
“Her sign is wind and yours is fire, the two of you would surely make a good couple. Forget about the other woman and concentrate on this one, she will bring you happiness and the two of you shall enjoy long life. The two of you have been together for almost three years now and will continue to be together for a very long time. That is your wife, hold her tight,” he said.
It was an impressive show, but unfortunately, our correspondent is already married with a child. It was one encounter that shed light into the deceit many Nigerians now have to endure while searching for spiritual answers.
Bamgbose explained how he arrives at his predictions, though. He said, “The problem is that a lot of our people have abandoned the way things used to be done in the past when our fathers were still around. Nowadays, a man and a woman could meet themselves today and even marry the next day without first checking if their stars are compatible. I have been doing this job for a long time and I know how important this can be for any marriage.
“For intending couples, what we do is to match the name of the woman and the man on what we call Isabi. The result we get reveals to us if they will be compatible or not. For example, once we place the name of the woman on the Isabi against the man’s, it gives us nine results with different meanings.
“But the real star signs are divided into four and they are water, fire, sand and wind. As individuals, these are the different signs with which we are born. If a woman with a fire sign marries a man with a sand sign, it becomes a problem because fire and sand are not compatible. This could lead to eternal poverty and lack.”
Bamgbose added, “But if a man with sand sign marries a woman with water sign, they will enjoy each other and their marriage will be fruitful. It is the same for a man and woman carrying fire and wind signs, their union will be very blessed because fire and wind can work together.
“Basically these are the things we watch out for when intending couples come to us. We do our best to guide them correctly but if they still insist on marrying themselves after explaining the dangers to them, we would have done our part, at least. Such couples would never live happily together and one of them can even die a few years into the union.
“So, checking the star sign of your partner before marriage is very important. Religion or education does not stop us from finding out this very important information,” he said.
But a marriage counsellor based in Lagos, Pastor Shade Kehinde of Agape Generation International Church, said those who engage the services of ‘seers’ and ‘prophets’ to determine their life partners were doing the right thing the wrong way.
“It takes God to guide them to the right path. It is not proper for a prophet to choose a life partner for anybody. It is God that should guide you to make the right decision. We all know God and God speaks to all of us. We have a relationship with God. He will speak to you in any area of your life.
“This has ruined a lot of people. Anybody who goes to a ‘seer’ or ‘prophet’ can be misled. Go the extra mile and speak to God yourself. The seer will not live with you when you are married. God has blessed us with pastors and marriage counsellors who are there to advise, guide and tell you the truth but not to make the decisions for you,” she said.
A sociologist, Tope Omogbemi, gave an insight into the reasons why such practice still prevails among today’s generation of Nigerians in spite of their education and exposure. He said there was need to re-orientate many of today’s young people to correct some of these anomalies.
“One of the major factors responsible for this type of practice can be traced to the family background and orientation inculcated into the individual right from childhood. The family as it were is the first agent of socialisation for an individual as it plays a major role in the type of personality a child would grow into.
“However, there are also external factors especially socio-economic factors. The truth is that people don’t want to suffer in marriage in this part of the world, so they need some form of security and guarantee to hold on to before venturing into it. In Western countries, people have social security and other welfare benefits that would almost eliminate any form of anxiety. So, in such places, you are not likely to see people going to any spiritualist to get answers to certain questions.
“But because over here a lot of people live in lack and are afraid of the unknown, they are quick to run to some of these people for what they consider security. The religious organisations that do this merely use this strategy to maintain dominance over their members. Anybody who runs to a spiritualist to help determine a future partner would find out for the rest of his or her life that he would always run back to such persons when trouble comes. They become slaves to such persons for the rest of their lives. That is the danger and so people must be wise before they embark on such journeys,” he explained.
Buchi Anyamaele, a psychologist based in Enugu State in a telephone conversation with one of our correspondents reiterated Omogbemi’s views. A drop in societal values and the need for a change in the entire flows in socialisation process are some of the factors responsible for the trend, according to him.
“It’s a simple issue if we must address this phenomenon. I am sure you are aware it did not just begin today; it is something that has happened in most African societies over the years. But then you would have thought that with modern civilisation and education, all these would have changed, no way. This is because our family values have dropped and the socialisation process today is largely flawed. As a result, individuals exhibit traits that leave them largely insecure.
“It is in the quest of solving the mysteries created by some of these fears that you see people running to alfas and pastors and even traditionalists to check the compatibility with their intending spouses. As a result of the flawed mindset, many of such individuals also pass on this orientation to their children and so the circle continues. That is the reason why a lot of individuals and families are still engaged in this type of marriage test if I may use that phrase,” he said.
Indeed, the issue of picking a future partner is a critical one for many young people across Nigeria today. Apart from digging into a potential spouse’s family background, the spiritual compatibility is also another dimension that is now a major debate. Some analysts believe except relevant stakeholders including religious leaders and relationship experts quickly come together to address some of the key issues, many young people could continue to be led the wrong way to the detriment of the society at large.
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