How to Distance Yourself from a Family Member

It's just too bad that we can't choose our family. Far too often, many of us find ourselves experiencing an intense dislike for a family member. This person may be a dreadful stepmother who has threatened you with violence which forced you to procure an AVO. Or they may be a crazy uncle who blows their cash on poker machines, hides their nice food from you when visit their house and gives you used bumbags for Christmas. Whatever the reason may be, here is a user-friendly guide aimed at getting these people to avoid YOU- rather than the other way around, for once.

N.B Visit www.campusflava.com for latest updates 

Steps

    1
    Know your enemy. Even though we may be talking about jerks here, they do have their own personal idiosyncrasies beyond the issues that make you want to avoid them? Are they passive aggressive? Do they have the capacity to understand subtlety? More importantly, are they potentially dangerous?
    2
    Use these ponderings to your advantage and construct an effective strategy for attack. Vengeance is sweet but make sure you do it right. And remember- safety first.
        For passive aggressive family members- adopt their own strategy and give them a taste of their own medicine. Try dropping lines at family gatherings in front of other family members like, 'who was the doctor that did that nose job on you? I think they missed a bit,' or, 'that's a nice shirt. Do they make them for **state the gender that they're not**, or,'the fact you dropped out of school early really shows.'
        For outspoken family members (this is also appropriate for those immune to subtlety)- again, adopt their own strategy. This way you're speaking their language. Say things like, 'I've never mentioned this before but you are outstandingly stupid', or, 'you're so grossly large you look you're nine months pregnant with octuplets,' or, 'you're a little uptight. Perhaps you need a holiday. I strongly suggest you visit **name the currently most dangerous country/place**'. That'll sort you out' (make the double entendre exceedingly obvious).
        For those prone to violence- depending on what they're capable of, be very, very careful. Verbal abuse is one thing but a black eye, or worse, is quite another.
        For sadistic people- remember to have fun. Don't get angry as they will feed off your unfortunate dilemma, the way a Dementor feeds off misery.
        For sociopaths- tread carefully. You're walking on thin ice. They have an incapacity for love, are incapable of experiencing shame, guilt, remorse and empathy, never think that there is anything wrong with them and may try to control you. In this case perhaps leaving the state/country is the best course of action.

Tips

    Persistence is key. This is probably more applicable to stupid family members and less so for violent ones.
    Constant hostile eye-contact had been known to be a winner when trying to make someone not want to be around you.
    Refrain from utilizing violence. This may injure the party in question and is also widely considered illegal.

Warnings

    Keep social networking sites and your mobile number private. It may get ugly.
    Safety FIRST.
    Always keep your eyes peeled and your ears alert. Work-out if you feel you need to. The family member in question may themselves decide to exact their own counter-attack.