Taking
the time to nurture a friendship is worth every moment. As the years
pass, some people will stay by your side, but many won't, and you'll
realize that each friendship you keep is priceless. Of course, to have a
good friend, you must be one, and it takes a lot of effort and care.
Read this article to learn how to establish a trusting friendship, be
there for your friend during hard times, and deepen a friendship to make
it last.
Build Your Friendship on Trust
Be dependable. It's hard to rely on a person who doesn't behave in a consistent and trustworthy way. We all know well-intentioned but flaky people who say, "Okay, I will..." but never follow through. If that's you, know that you're eroding your friends' trust; eventually they'll stop believing what you say.
Only make promises you know you can keep. If you say you'll hang out with a friend and a legitimate conflict arises, explain the situation and trust that the friendship is strong enough for the no's as well as the yeses.
If you know you were at fault for a missed opportunity, own up. Don't wait until 15 minutes after you were supposed to arrive to call and say, "Something came up." A simple explanation and apology goes a long way. Your friend will most likely appreciate your acknowledgement of his or her feelings.
Be real. Connect with people whom you value on a deep level if you want to have sustainable, long-term friendships. Invest in people you can be yourself around. If your behavior lacks sincerity, your friendship won't last.
Good friendships don't arise from hoping someone else's popularity or networks will rub off on you. If you're trying to be friends with a person just to be accepted into a certain clique, that's not friendship – it's opportunism – and eventually the shallow nature of your involvement will reveal itself.
You have a responsibility to help your friend be himself or herself, too. Be open to differences in opinion and style - that's what makes friendships interesting.
Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, keep don't talk about it with anyone else, just as you'd expect your friend to do for you.
Don't discuss your friend behind his or her back, and don't spread rumors about the confidences they've imparted to you. Never say anything about your friend that you would not be prepared to repeat to their face.
Don't let others say bad things about your friend, either. Until you've had a chance to hear your friend's side of the story, treat comments that are not supportive as hearsay and rumors. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem like a thing your friend would do or say, then respond with something like, "I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him/her, find out his/her perspective on this. Until then, I would appreciate it if you didn't spread that around."
Be respectful. Good friends show respect for each other by being openly and mutually supportive. If your friend has certain values and beliefs that don't align with your own, respect his or her choices and be open to hearing more about them.
Sometimes your friend will say things that you find boring, uncomfortable or annoying, but if you have respect for your friend, you'll give your friend the space to speak, and to do so without judgment.
During times when you don't see eye to eye with your friend, disagree respectfully and be willing to see things differently.
Give as Much as You Take
Share. Being selfless is an important part of being a good friend. Accommodate your friend's wishes whenever you can, provided this is done in a balanced way. Reciprocate his or her acts of kindness with caring deeds of your own, and your friendship will be strengthened.
Don't monopolize conversations. It sounds simple, but make sure you're listening as much as you're talking about yourself. If you're monopolizing every conversation with your feelings, your friend isn't getting anything out of the relationship. Listening opens space between the two of you and reassures your friend that you care.
Watch out for your friend. If you sense that your friend is getting into some sort of trouble over which they have little control, such as taking drugs, being promiscuous or getting too drunk at a party, help him or her get away from the situation. Don't assume that your friend can handle it alone; this may be the very time that your voice of common sense is needed to wake them from their fugue.
Pitch in for your friend during times of crisis. If your friend has to go to the hospital, visit. If his dog runs away, help to find it. If she needs someone to pick him/her up, be there. Take notes for your friend in school when he or she is absent. Send cards and care packages when you're living far apart. If there is a death in his/her family, attend the funeral.
Part of being there for your friend in a crises is providing emotional support, too. Care about your friend enough to help him or her open up and let the tears roll. Hand him or her a tissue and listen openly. You don't have to say anything if nothing seems right; just stay calm and reassuring.
If your friend is going through a crisis, don't say, "Everything is going to be all right" if it's not going to be. It's hard not to say that sometimes, but false reassurance can often be worse than none. Instead, let your friend know you are there for him or her. Stay honest, but upbeat and positive.
If your friend begins talking about committing suicide, tell someone about it. This rule overrides the "respect privacy" step, because even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should do it anyway. Suggest a help line or professional to your friend. Talk to your and your friend's parents or spouse(unless they are the ones causing the problems) before involving anyone else.
Give thoughtful advice, but don't insist that your friend do as you say. Don't judge your friend, simply advise him or her when he or she reaches out.
Avoid giving unsought for advice. Allow venting where needed and be willing to offer advice if it's clear that it's sought. Always ask before assuming you can give advice.
In some cases, a friend could use a little tough love to keep him or her out of a dangerous situation. Use discretion here; you don't want to lecture or overwhelm your friend. Tell him or her how you perceive the situation using factual information, and suggest what you might do in the same circumstances. Don't be offended by your friend listening to your advice and then deciding to ignore it.
Step back and give your friend space. Understand if your friend wants to be alone or to hang out with other people. Allow it to happen. There's no need to become clingy or needy. Friendship doesn't require that you always have to be paired together. Allowing one another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even more.
Don't abuse generosity or wear out your welcome. When your friend does something nice for you, then reciprocate quickly. Pay back money you borrow promptly. Go home when it seems like the time is right.
Make Your Friendship Last
Be forgiving when things go wrong in your friendship. Hate the act, not the person. If your friend has done something wrong, don't judge them too harshly. Most things can be talked through.
Seek to deepen your relationship. The more you are with one another, the less you idealize each other and the more you accept one another for who you really are. This is what being a truly good friend is really about –caring deeply for each other, warts and all.
Go beyond the call of duty. A friend will wait while you do your homework. A great friend stays up all night helping. Remember that if you are a good friend, people want to be a good friend to you.
Reignite old friendships. As the years pass, people tend to grow apart. Perhaps you and a friend will move to different places and only see each other every once in awhile. Sometimes years may elapse without much contact. If you never stop caring about your friend, speak up. He or she will be happy to hear from you. You were friends for a reason in the past, and you may find the same bond still ties you together.
Tips
Make sure your friend doesn't have to spend any time in the hospital alone, ever.
If you borrow something from a friend, take good care of it and then return it without being asked.
You don't have to spend a lot of time and money to be a good friend. The best gifts are often handmade and come from the heart. A phone call can mean as much as a visit.
Don't set too many expectations and rules. Allow your friendship to evolve and change naturally.
Honest communication is a basic foundation in a friendship. If you and your friend can't talk to each other freely then you are set up for a difficult and possibly doomed relationship.
A friend who is only available at school or work is still a friend. Be very glad for that special kind of friendship associated with the place where you share time together.
Enjoy one another's company. It's not all about bleeding hearts and advice to the lovelorn - or at least, it shouldn't be. Be sure to have fun together and do spontaneous activities now and then. Be a positive force in your friend's life.
Tease friends about something they're proud of. The better you know your friend, the easier it is to find the things they're sensitive about and use teasing to pick them up instead of tearing them down.
Tell your friend how much you appreciate their company or how they were with you when you needed them. It will brighten up their day and affirm your friendship. Warnings
If your friend is starting to make new friends, don't turn jealous. No one likes a jealous friend. Have faith in your friendship.
When spending time with your friend, whether having a meal together or just hanging out, both of you should turn your cell phones off. It's very off-putting to have a conversation constantly interrupted by a ringing phone. He or she may feel that you're not paying attention to them or don't value your time together.
No one likes an insulting friend, be careful when you tease them! If your friend asks you to stop, heed the request.
Do not ruin your friend's life by posting embarrassing videos and photos on Facebook.
If your friend doesn't treat you well while you treat them well, then there's no reason to stay friends. Don't stay close friends with anyone who doesn't treat you well.
Don't expect instant or life-long friendship; realize that, if it is to be something special, it may develop quite gradually.
Build Your Friendship on Trust
Be dependable. It's hard to rely on a person who doesn't behave in a consistent and trustworthy way. We all know well-intentioned but flaky people who say, "Okay, I will..." but never follow through. If that's you, know that you're eroding your friends' trust; eventually they'll stop believing what you say.
Only make promises you know you can keep. If you say you'll hang out with a friend and a legitimate conflict arises, explain the situation and trust that the friendship is strong enough for the no's as well as the yeses.
If you know you were at fault for a missed opportunity, own up. Don't wait until 15 minutes after you were supposed to arrive to call and say, "Something came up." A simple explanation and apology goes a long way. Your friend will most likely appreciate your acknowledgement of his or her feelings.
Be real. Connect with people whom you value on a deep level if you want to have sustainable, long-term friendships. Invest in people you can be yourself around. If your behavior lacks sincerity, your friendship won't last.
Good friendships don't arise from hoping someone else's popularity or networks will rub off on you. If you're trying to be friends with a person just to be accepted into a certain clique, that's not friendship – it's opportunism – and eventually the shallow nature of your involvement will reveal itself.
You have a responsibility to help your friend be himself or herself, too. Be open to differences in opinion and style - that's what makes friendships interesting.
Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, keep don't talk about it with anyone else, just as you'd expect your friend to do for you.
Don't discuss your friend behind his or her back, and don't spread rumors about the confidences they've imparted to you. Never say anything about your friend that you would not be prepared to repeat to their face.
Don't let others say bad things about your friend, either. Until you've had a chance to hear your friend's side of the story, treat comments that are not supportive as hearsay and rumors. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem like a thing your friend would do or say, then respond with something like, "I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him/her, find out his/her perspective on this. Until then, I would appreciate it if you didn't spread that around."
Be respectful. Good friends show respect for each other by being openly and mutually supportive. If your friend has certain values and beliefs that don't align with your own, respect his or her choices and be open to hearing more about them.
Sometimes your friend will say things that you find boring, uncomfortable or annoying, but if you have respect for your friend, you'll give your friend the space to speak, and to do so without judgment.
During times when you don't see eye to eye with your friend, disagree respectfully and be willing to see things differently.
Give as Much as You Take
Share. Being selfless is an important part of being a good friend. Accommodate your friend's wishes whenever you can, provided this is done in a balanced way. Reciprocate his or her acts of kindness with caring deeds of your own, and your friendship will be strengthened.
Don't monopolize conversations. It sounds simple, but make sure you're listening as much as you're talking about yourself. If you're monopolizing every conversation with your feelings, your friend isn't getting anything out of the relationship. Listening opens space between the two of you and reassures your friend that you care.
Watch out for your friend. If you sense that your friend is getting into some sort of trouble over which they have little control, such as taking drugs, being promiscuous or getting too drunk at a party, help him or her get away from the situation. Don't assume that your friend can handle it alone; this may be the very time that your voice of common sense is needed to wake them from their fugue.
Pitch in for your friend during times of crisis. If your friend has to go to the hospital, visit. If his dog runs away, help to find it. If she needs someone to pick him/her up, be there. Take notes for your friend in school when he or she is absent. Send cards and care packages when you're living far apart. If there is a death in his/her family, attend the funeral.
Part of being there for your friend in a crises is providing emotional support, too. Care about your friend enough to help him or her open up and let the tears roll. Hand him or her a tissue and listen openly. You don't have to say anything if nothing seems right; just stay calm and reassuring.
If your friend is going through a crisis, don't say, "Everything is going to be all right" if it's not going to be. It's hard not to say that sometimes, but false reassurance can often be worse than none. Instead, let your friend know you are there for him or her. Stay honest, but upbeat and positive.
If your friend begins talking about committing suicide, tell someone about it. This rule overrides the "respect privacy" step, because even if your friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should do it anyway. Suggest a help line or professional to your friend. Talk to your and your friend's parents or spouse(unless they are the ones causing the problems) before involving anyone else.
Give thoughtful advice, but don't insist that your friend do as you say. Don't judge your friend, simply advise him or her when he or she reaches out.
Avoid giving unsought for advice. Allow venting where needed and be willing to offer advice if it's clear that it's sought. Always ask before assuming you can give advice.
In some cases, a friend could use a little tough love to keep him or her out of a dangerous situation. Use discretion here; you don't want to lecture or overwhelm your friend. Tell him or her how you perceive the situation using factual information, and suggest what you might do in the same circumstances. Don't be offended by your friend listening to your advice and then deciding to ignore it.
Step back and give your friend space. Understand if your friend wants to be alone or to hang out with other people. Allow it to happen. There's no need to become clingy or needy. Friendship doesn't require that you always have to be paired together. Allowing one another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even more.
Don't abuse generosity or wear out your welcome. When your friend does something nice for you, then reciprocate quickly. Pay back money you borrow promptly. Go home when it seems like the time is right.
Make Your Friendship Last
Be forgiving when things go wrong in your friendship. Hate the act, not the person. If your friend has done something wrong, don't judge them too harshly. Most things can be talked through.
Seek to deepen your relationship. The more you are with one another, the less you idealize each other and the more you accept one another for who you really are. This is what being a truly good friend is really about –caring deeply for each other, warts and all.
Go beyond the call of duty. A friend will wait while you do your homework. A great friend stays up all night helping. Remember that if you are a good friend, people want to be a good friend to you.
Reignite old friendships. As the years pass, people tend to grow apart. Perhaps you and a friend will move to different places and only see each other every once in awhile. Sometimes years may elapse without much contact. If you never stop caring about your friend, speak up. He or she will be happy to hear from you. You were friends for a reason in the past, and you may find the same bond still ties you together.
Tips
Make sure your friend doesn't have to spend any time in the hospital alone, ever.
If you borrow something from a friend, take good care of it and then return it without being asked.
You don't have to spend a lot of time and money to be a good friend. The best gifts are often handmade and come from the heart. A phone call can mean as much as a visit.
Don't set too many expectations and rules. Allow your friendship to evolve and change naturally.
Honest communication is a basic foundation in a friendship. If you and your friend can't talk to each other freely then you are set up for a difficult and possibly doomed relationship.
A friend who is only available at school or work is still a friend. Be very glad for that special kind of friendship associated with the place where you share time together.
Enjoy one another's company. It's not all about bleeding hearts and advice to the lovelorn - or at least, it shouldn't be. Be sure to have fun together and do spontaneous activities now and then. Be a positive force in your friend's life.
Tease friends about something they're proud of. The better you know your friend, the easier it is to find the things they're sensitive about and use teasing to pick them up instead of tearing them down.
Tell your friend how much you appreciate their company or how they were with you when you needed them. It will brighten up their day and affirm your friendship. Warnings
If your friend is starting to make new friends, don't turn jealous. No one likes a jealous friend. Have faith in your friendship.
When spending time with your friend, whether having a meal together or just hanging out, both of you should turn your cell phones off. It's very off-putting to have a conversation constantly interrupted by a ringing phone. He or she may feel that you're not paying attention to them or don't value your time together.
No one likes an insulting friend, be careful when you tease them! If your friend asks you to stop, heed the request.
Do not ruin your friend's life by posting embarrassing videos and photos on Facebook.
If your friend doesn't treat you well while you treat them well, then there's no reason to stay friends. Don't stay close friends with anyone who doesn't treat you well.
Don't expect instant or life-long friendship; realize that, if it is to be something special, it may develop quite gradually.
No comments:
Post a Comment